Click click boom

That sounds like how I work. I click click and then get bored and it's boom. Happens too often.

In other news, homemade facials are an interesting concept. Who knew all I needed was honey, sugar and lime juice? I've made the mixture, but the final demo is in progress and the results are pending. Questions of "what, where do I put this? How long for? Is it supposed to be this drippy?" take over my time for now. I have a very interesting life. You bet.

So the past two months have been spent in hibernation. Literally. Okay not totally but almost. The idea of spending time at home with Netflix and a box of Nutella is so much more exciting than a night painting the town red, or green, or blue..or..yellow..

Why, you ask? Maybe because right now, I don't know what I want from life. That's a big confession there. But it can't be any truer. Everyday I ask myself, what do I really want? What motivates me beyond my own control to get up and move?

I have a lot already. But the never ending search of human desires that are not in our current possession drive the great to become greater.

No matter how long I spend pondering over the question of what I'm searching for, I don't seem to come up with an answer that's up to my perfectionist standards. Is it wrong to want, and I kid you not, everything! from life?

Money, time, love, purpose, affection, travel, some more love..in no order of preference..just a want for it all, at the same time..

And maybe that's where it's all stemming from. That lack of being able to figure out - how can I have everything I want? And is everything really what I want?

There's a predictable plan that's been laid out for me. The one that stays on the path of no risks. The conventional way of doing things. But what ELSE can be done? What more is there?

Lol I should do a count for the number of question marks on this post. The answers lay hidden away, and in the meantime my jar of Nutella beckons. 

Goodbye, or should I say goodbye?

Omg cliff hangers

They are so annoying. Why Veronica Mars, why? Why must you not let me sleep every night?

Ah who am I kidding, Veronica Mars or not I wouldn't be sleeping before 2 most nights. Ah the troubled mind of a young working professional *eye roll*

So in the haze of permanent indecisiveness, today tried to be productive. I worked towards my MBA applications and chalked out a better plan. Tomorrow I need to have a really important conversation. One that could change the course of the next few years :)

Anywhooo, I cooked a really cool version of a mushroom garlic tomato and spring onion egg white omelette with a layer of whole spinach leaves through it. Yum yum. And then for dessert - home made Reese's piece! Half an English muffin toasted with a layer of crunchy peanut butter and another layer of Nutella. Thanks to all that layering (note: so much better contextualized for food as opposed to for clothing) I sleep with a content stomach tonight (almost typed contempt there, that sure wouldn't make sense).

I'm going to be starting a hunt. A vicious cold blooded hunt. For what? For a goddamn pair of shampoo and conditioner that makes my hair behave! >.< 

Cool fact: right now I'm using my iPhone to dictate everything I'm saying and surprisingly it's actually working but I'm just talking and the words are just appearing on my screen. This is so cool except there were so many mistakes in what appeared right after I said it was so cool that this sentence is now being typed out and the rest has been deleted. Haha. #iPhoneFails

Also these yummy bell apples I bought from Iqbal foods (local store in Toronto which has all these desi products) turned out to be rotten :( but they were packaged so well I didn't notice as I bought them. One survived. And it was devoured. I will be going back for another conscious but not cold blooded hunt. What? My stomach needs the warm-bloodedness!

And contrary to popular belief cold-bloodedness doesn't really mean your blood is cold it just means that your tendency to adapt to the temperature is limited and what warm-bloodedness actually means is that as the temperature around you gets warm, so do you. Classic homeostasis and better adaptability.

That's all the science for today folks, later!

Nothing feels as good as random

-ly following through with a random thought.

I could finally stand in my balcony without getting buried in snow. I could see all of Toronto laid out in front of me, wee hours of 1:34 AM, covered in droplets of rain, a temperature that didn't send shivers down my spine and coughs through my chest - and it happened.

There is magic in being the only one awake. And there is magic in the hope of seasons changing. But most of all, there is magic in having something to look forward to.

And so the moment had to be commemorated - weapon of choice? Bubbles! Yeah you heard me. 

I was the loony toon making bubbles for half an hour on my balcony in the middle of the night. Heehee, my neighbours are going to feel..let's say..what's the word I'm looking for? Yeah. Soapy on their premises. And as long as no one can trace it back to me (blog stay anonymous!), I won't be getting sued for people slipping around and breaking their wrists, cuz yknow, I'd like to be hopeful that if they're breaking something it's not as major as their spine, unlesssss they deserve it. Whaat? Karma's a bitch okay? Yeah I'm done, *say no more you!*

Anywho after hot chocolate with bits of marshmallows, hearty eating, the final episode of season 1 of Veronica Mars (omg they find the killer - it's totally unexpected, and so scanduh-lus!), pink sweatshirts that turn soggy in the light rainy mist outside, having to look up how to make bubble water, ignoring GMAT like nobodies business and a happy piece of melon juicy fruit gum, I call it a night.

Yes, *refers to it* 'night!

The forest has been fired!

Which forest you ask? The forest on my brows. Yes, I finally got my eyebrows done. It's been the highlight of my week. No, wait, that's not true. The highlight of my week is kind of a tie between 1) discovering a garlic shampoo, buying it and then using it 2) making kickass steak aaaand 3) discovering an amazing song from the new show I've been watching (Veronica Mars) called Dragonfly by M. Craft. Have a listen, very soothing with a great guitar instrumental.

YES garlic shampoo exists. It's insane. I expected to open it up and be the bane of everyone's olafactory senses however it actually smells really nice, well at least the one made by Vatika Shampoo does.

Things I've learnt so far from Veronica Mars:

Being resourceful takes having "people" and recognizing their abilities 

Spying is fun

Stalking is not fun

Thin line between good and bad

Truth is interpretive

Incest is bad

Rich kids in the 90s weren't as outrageous as rich kids now

Fashion really has evolved and thank god

Chrome cast can be quite a bitch from time to time

Aaaaaaand being perfect is only possible in fictional shows

Tada! Cheerio. Later!

 

Two kinds of people in the world

..is a lie!

Everything has shades of grey, everything!

And people change. The entire term "persona" didn't enter the English vocabulary just by itself - it means people change.

Man, if the whole world could ever get categorized into two kinds of people who just stay the same all through, you're looking at a whole bunch of upset English literarians who wasted years on studying Hamlet.

Which is why judging yourself, and holding grudges against other people is a futile exercise. Everyone changes. Everyone is always changing. Your openness to accepting change - in others and in yourself - will decide how happy you are. And holding on to the past is a bag of misery. Cherish it, don't let it pull you down. 

I am not the person I used to be, I am better, and I will continue to become better - nice first words to lay the foundation of humanity.

Ah these words of wisdom! Snake's skin y'all, snake's skin. 

Exeunt.

Mark me down as skeptical

Words are words, thoughts are thoughts, intentions are intentions, but actions? They're everything.

Those spell out the thoughts of an idealist. If only everything had the same jive! Sometimes no matter what is done, actions need to be looked at not in isolation but in context. Sometimes hands can be tied, and sometimes, words need to make up for it. Because sometimes, ideal is actually having faith in  all of the above.

A life of constant simulation

It's always about the next big thing. The next place to get a temporary high from, the next thing to do, the next reward, and all of this wanted in timespans much shorter than before. As the world gets smaller our appreciation for travel, reading, going out, work and play slowly diminishes as the novelty dies out. I would almost describe it as a glass ceiling to how much you can truly enjoy something. 

Almost like a trap that I've fallen into as well. We all need something to look forward to, right now, I just don't know what mine is.

Maybe if I find what makes me happy in the moment, I can extend it to mean much more than just a moment.

Until then, it's wait, deliberate, and sit with the problem till the solution makes itself so apparent I won't be able to help but smile :) yep, the thought's almost Einstein inspired..

If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions. - Albert Einstein 

I think I should quit

There are so many thoughts running through my head of what I want to do.

• Business school.
• Run away and travel write.
• Explore the world on my own terms.
• Transfer to another location through the company I'm with right now.
• Canadian citizenship.
• Business school in Europe.
• Write, write, write!
• Read! I've stopped reading.
• Go and work with my dad.
• Start my own entrepreneurial venture.
• Do more volunteer work than I currently am.

What am I becoming? The quarter life crisis is true! It exists and it's so strong. Bloody hell and it's hitting me before I even touchdown quarter life.

Kill me now. I need to reassess my life, ahhhh!

Klunk

Aaaaand it's Friday morning, 9:31 AM, I am at work and no one is here yet, wowza!

So in continuation of my list:

I need to make a list of all the things I do not like about the corporate structure. Here we go:

1. Restrictive work hours
2. No space for emotions
3. Self-promotion
4. Need for networking
5. Everything is about mutual benefit - what about just doing for others?
6. A lot of times work is just created for the sake of creating work
7. Pushing for standards does not exist

(At this point there were distractions, well that's ironic cuz technically being on this blogpost was the distraction to begin with - but essentially I was distracted from this distraction by what I was originally supposed to be doing. And now it's Monday morning and I'm on my way to work.)

Let's continue shall we:

1. Restrictive work hours
2. No space for emotions
3. Self-promotion
4. (Excessive) need for networking
5. Everything is about mutual benefit - what about just doing for others?
6. A lot of times work is just created for the sake of creating work
7. Pushing for standards does not exist
8. People get limited into "roles"
9. Everything has to be through a formal system
10. Making things more complicated than they are so as to provide job security

It just feels like the corporate structure is built on fear, as opposed to belief in opportunity. Such a capitalist dilemma.

Okay bye!

I bite my nails

Eugh. Another day another dime, and some days a dollar. Who created this corporate phenomenon of roboting away in an office? Such drudgery. But then, we all hope for better in the future. Oh, the future. This strange concept of self-preservation keeps us on constant alert about preparing for the future. Remember that story we all heard when we were growing up? The one about the ant vs. the grasshopper? The ant slaves away to get its food all set up while the grasshopper has a mad, MAD time all summer, but when winter comes - boom! Grasshopper's chill sessions backfire. Yeah. That story. That annoying story that brings you back to the perspective that life can't be no work, all play. So I work. So that I can play. And boy, will I play!

At least it's still consulting and not a government job. Phew.

Oo. Resume updates - I need to make them. Haha, it's like describing taking a crap as "efficient and optimally processing nourishment". All resumes. That's exactly what they do. What did you do at work? Ohhhh you managed? What did you manage? A multi-processing software that required extensive analysis and formulae? Basically you worked on excel, yeah shut it A-hole. Since when did blowing your own trumpet become important?

I need to make a list of all the things I do not like about the corporate structure. Here we go:

1. Restrictive work hours
2. No space for emotions
3. Self-promotion
4. Need for networking
5. Everything is about mutual benefit - what about just doing for others?
6. A lot of times work is just created for the sake of creating work

This is going to be further updated very soon - I'm not done with you, no I'm not! I need some hot water to clean up my extremely blocked up digestive system :(

Be back soon,

A.

Sleeeeepy

Ed Sheeran's pretty good. For real. For once pop music has some real talent. And he's so young! Where do you come from boy? I've had him on play every night as I go to sleep. Great companion for bed, puts me right to sleep. Pun? Where? What pun?

Work is so funny. I haven't slept okay for then past few nights so even though it's 8 PM I'm grandma-ing it tonight (minus the loosie whities), it's sleepytime for me wayyy before the usual 1 o clock. 

Also my hair is nice and oiled (oxymoron?), there is a towel protecting the gooeyness from spreading all over my gorgeous new pillow covers and sheets (refer, previous blog), and I have brushed my teeth after a wayyyyyy early dinner. I even drank warm water. 

Someone check my goddamn temperature. Who am I? What have I become? Nyooooooo. (Although the fact that I'm postponing sleepy time by typing random crap means I'm alright.)

So today at work I decided to Lorelai Gilmore my outfit. What does that mean? It means I decided to take inspiration in what I wear from her. And what does that mean? It means my obsession is moving from the show to real life. That's not a bad thing, as long as I don't go on a vehement hunt for Stars Hollow, I think my crazy shall be in check. BUT what if I want to find Stars Hollow? No Ankita stop it. But I wanna! No, Ankita, you can't! But--- No! It doesn't exist!

Conversation with myself before tucking myself in? Check.

Gnite fair people. Live long and prosper (Nimoy, Spock on.)

Hi.

It's been more than a year since I've written. Aaaaaand ladies and gentlemen, we've long since established this trend. Let's get over the "she hasn't written in a while stuff", it is what it is.

The usual making up for lost time update: been in Toronto for almost 3 years, been to India three times since I've been here including the last time which was this December for 2 months (yeah long break mainly cuz of my best friends wedding, family time, grandparents and wanting to spend time with certain special people, did they deserve it? I don't know!), been in consulting for more than 2 years, worked on a variety of projects, met all kinds of people (many who I have come to love and many who I'd have a thing or two to say about) thinking of MBA soon (GMAT..GMAT?! GMAT!!! Aaahh!), got an upcoming family business (fingers crossed reaaaal tight), and have still not lost sight of wanting to do NGO work although I wish there was more of this going on in my life. I'd just like to believe that everything I'm doing right now will make me do better for myself, and therefore the good I want to do in the world.

Guess what brought me here this time? I was going through a few files and papers I have lying around in my room (I have new sheets, they're purrrty, and they add life to the previous black and white, classy, retro print thing I had going on), and I found a CD labeled with my name in my dad's extremely boxy handwriting (yes boxy handwriting, you have to see it to know what I mean, it's like no other handwriting I've ever seen in my life).

So I open up this CD, put it into my laptop and start watching. I saw baby videos of myself for the first time. It was amazing. No, I'm not being immodest, I was not impressed by myself as a baby (although I was keeyooot), moreover my thoughts just went a long way back to when I had the safety of parents coo-ing and loving all around me. Every drip and drop of their voices throughout the video of baby me reminded me of the comforts of home, of being surrounded by love. It made me come back here and write to relieve a lot of the pent up thought in the way I know best. Write.

Living by yourself in a country you are still not able to accept 100% as yours takes a lot to do. I've been here since June of 2012 and if anything, it's been a whirlwind, and it's been testing in many times, but it's also been fruitful (especially considering I have now discovered fruits I did not remotely think of trying before - dragonfruit, which looks nothing like a dragon, mammoth sizes strawberries and white nectarines, which oh my GOD are the perfect mix between apples and peaches - perfectly crunchy and sweet).

I like having the confidence that living in a city by myself gives me. Yeah, you can't touch this! *insert cool and self confident mixed with a touch of self deprecation face* Lol, it's nice to own your own life, financials and all that jazz. But HOME. Yknow that fuzzy feeling of just knowing where you belong? Yeah, not quite kicked in. And don't even get me started on love. There's the home love, and then there's the romantic love. Things can sometimes feel even more twisted when you throw that into the mix. I always used to think, no wayyyy am I going to let love get in the way of things I wanna do with my life, but who knew it had a mind of its own? Who knew! Hah, Ankita got jumped.

Oo, have I mentioned I've been tripping on watching Gilmore Girls? I luuuurv the show, and I'm sure if the show was a person it would tell me it loves me RIGHT back! There's so much in it I can relate to, which is I'm sure something all girls say, but I'd like to believe the parallels for me are more :P

Also, house of cards has released! But I'd rather wait and savor watching it instead of binge watching and ruining it for myself.

Ooooooo and also, I'm obsessed with the game Words Against Friends. So many funziiiies. Lol, it's basically scrabble. Just funner cuz I can take my own sweet time and cheat by looking up wordfind.com mwahaha (shh don't tell anyone, and if you happen to be someone I'm playing with then, ermm don't believe the above lines, they were only put there so that I could sound all badass, I'm really lying - I can't cheat to save my life, O THE GUILT, I could. not. take. IT!)

What else can I put down here? Have I mentioned my complete lack of pushing myself to study for GMAT? Have I? Well here it goes: no matter what I do, I just cannot get myself to sit down at that goddamn desk in my room (which by the way I took from my roommate's room and moved all the way to mine after moving the bed and making space for it - yes so much effort for nothing) and study for GMAT.

I'd love to travel through my MBA. Go to a whole other city. I've done Toronto, I've seen as much of it as I can. I want to go to a totally different city and conquer it on my terms - again. But sometimes, there might be other things on the line that keep you waiting (yes this is where I go purposely obscure about what I'm talking about :P), but I hope it's worth the wait. Stay tuned for more on what I'm waiting for.

While I start to say gbye (yeah saying bye isn't a nice feeling, no wonder auntyjis and unclejis at Indian weddings prolong their goodbyes for aaaages, literally it needs strategic planning almost to the point of size of the event x number of people you know x 5 minutes each + 20 minutes buffer time to try to plan to get out of a place), I will let you guys know that I have taken it upon myself to sleep with a total of around 12 GMAT books, and 10 GMAT booklets in the hope that even though I ignore the desk, somehow all of that information and logical analysis will seep right through the sheets and into my head as I sleep. Sleeping with the enemy? Sleeping with the fish? Nuh uhhhhh, she sleeps with them books.

Okay, BYE!

Hello again says broken tape recorder

Omg I just went through this blog reading a lot of my first few posts - I sound so..blissfully unaware of the repercussions of the things I write. Haha, its awesome.

AS USUAL so much has changed (except for the fact that I'm a total procrastinator and therefore write here so rarely that each time I come back with renewed "must-get-back-in-touch-with-writing" vows).

But it's true. I do need to get back in touch with writing - and I've realized it's not only because it helps my ability to express myself, but also because it helps me understand myself. All of my previous blogs are a total sneak peek into my own head - makes it easy for me to get how I came to where I am, and assess my next steps..

Haha - but then again, this blog was just a place to be bold and write without thinking twice so in that spirit here goes..

Life update time: I'm now working in a consulting firm in Toronto (yes I got hired, and worked hard and got into Consulting from HR! whee!) and have managed to meet people. SCORE! People totzz wanna be my frand. *puts on cool shades and does Salman Khan signature moves*

I miss home a lot, but that's normal - Papa is coming to visit tomorrow!! I can't wait to see him. We get to chill in the penthouse together, because I told a potential roommate that it won't workout and he was in agreement (yeah he didn't really wanna live with my dad lol) so dad and I get the entire two bedroom penthouse to ourselves :) yes that's where I live and it's got the beeest 270 degree view of Toronto - I totally see something different everyday. Although there aren't any neighbour's homes (bonus: hot neigbour's homes) to peek into (which is why the view's so great cuz my building's the only tall one around, the rest are little town houses with families that have kids and cars and are all settled and what have you). Me? A peeping tom? NO WAY. You just didn't read that right. Yeah. You didn't. No, you really didn't.

Hmm..even though I'm writing all random, I'm feeling pensive. I feel like by not writing in the blog for so long I've shied away from myself and gotten lost, distanced, from the voice in my own head that's always guided me along my path to what happiness means to me.

I really still want to go back to doing some amazing NGO work in India. I can't lose sight of that goal. From a previous post: Big Audacious Goals, as someone I love a lot and look up to said. Calling it a goal and believing I can do it is the first giant step to getting it done.

Let's see how the next few years pan out.

In short term updates, Thursday I got into a car accident - zomg got t-boned at an intersection. I was in a cab, sitting on the right passenger seat at the back, and got hit from the right by a fast-moving BMW. I jumped to the other side and escaped direct impact thankfully because of the dodging and because 3/4th of the impact was to the front door. It rattled me up. All kinds of thoughts came to my head just at the moment when I saw the car nearing the taxi from the corner of my eye at that fast speed - like zomggg am I going to die? What's my family going to think? I didn't get enough time to spend with them. And that my last few months I wasn't surrounded by the people who've mattered to me for the longest time of my life. It happened so fast!! But after a bit of crying around, screaming random stuff and being shocked - I got over it and I'm okay with just a few bruises and a temporary fear of cars approaching on intersections, lol.

Anyyywayyy, I also did a SHIT load of black friday shopping. Retail therapy is the best way to get over car accidents hahaha. It was friggin' awesome. And Saturday morning was a christmas kid's party at work (for the kids of all the employees at work) that I helped a few people organise. It was so cute, just like last year. Then I rushed back home, showered and headed back downtown for a Saturday night 8 PM stand up comedy act (vulger as hell - guy named Dave Frost). Then chilled at a friends, crashed there for the night, and came home in time for a (Sunday 12 PM as per original plans, and 1 PM as per actual execution) board game party I organised. Haha it was hilarious and definitely a party with a lot more than board games going on hahaha. We played taboo and settlers of catan. Fun times.

And now its Sunday night 11:21 PM and I have work tomorrow, and Papa comes tomorrow so must do a clean up around the house. Eep. 22 years old and still worried about what Daddy thinks haha something's never change.

My berry chewing gum says goodnight. Hopefully I remember to throw it away, else when Ankita says good morning it'll be full of purple berry gum drool. Yeah, not a happy thought.

Gniiiiiiightzzzz.

Ok I'm gone after this tiny little proclamation which needed a post of it's own -

I HATE DRAMAAA.


Jesus people get over yourself, and get over holding grudges and get over being judgemental and annoying already.


Keep it simple. If you don't like it - state it, don't share it with the rest of the world. It's called growing up.


Attention seekers, when doing it indirectly (yeah that's to avoid self-blame :P I love attention too), and through gossipy means - is totally unnecessary.


I'm done.


Dimsums, here I come ^_^

Toronto, pronounced Trroonnoo, the largest city in Canada with more than 2.6 milllion inhabitants and the provincial capital of Ontario, pronounced On-taah-rio

Ahahaha. I just read my last post. 


Wow. So much has changed including one big hit of reality. My future plans are pretty sorted in my head ^_^ but they need to convert into actual actions soooo let's just give that time till the next overdue (as always) and randomly posted (yeah I'm unpredictable like that) blog post.


I'm in Canada, it's a beautiful country ummhmm but I know NO ONE. ok that's an exaggeration, but I don't know enough people that I would like to know - its such a huge contrast from my bubbling social life back home. There is just so much to do in India (in my spare time that is). But the point of being here is my career so basically its a conflict of personal and professional interests. At least now. But that'll change right? I mean, I'm a nice friendly person :D right? RIGHT? Lol, yeah, next thing I'll be knocking on (not heaven's *eyeroll*) neighbours' doors saying - hallo, wanna do frandship wid me? I be new immigraant phorom Indiaa. Haha, the thought makes me laugh. Brilliant, I was just self-entertained for 5 whole seconds there - social highlight of my day! whee.


Hmm so in the mean time (because life is all about MEAN TIME now, that's all I have..is..spare time! anyone hiring? Toronto location? Downtown preferred thankyouverymuch.), my facebook activity has hit the roof, I know a lot of random facts from the net that no one really cares about, I am much more in touch with my friends than I was even when I was in India (yeah. I know.), I listen to music more and I now actually take time out to do my newly grown nails (I used to bite them like crazy). Also, I have more time for research, which is good, I am forever equipping myself with up to date knowledge in the world of HR, so that's not bad at all.


I love the thought of consulting..its so exciting..constantly engaging with new companies, new projects, so much for the brain to chew on! And I love data analysis..it speaks to me pretty well and then to be able to contextualise that data into making a difference in the lives of people - I can't wait to get started. Which should happen in a year or so. For now I'm doing a course in HR for a year! That should be fun. Gotta start apartment hunting near the college if I don't get a really good job (yes I'm being picky, don't want crap on my resume and don't wanna do something I'm not motivated about - I'd rather study) by September. Right now I stay with Michelle, she's really sweet! And very very girly, which is good cuz I get to learn stuff I never knew or thought could even exist about nail and hair care (like the right way to put fake nails and conditioners with UV protection).
Ahh wow this is getting long (dyu notice a trend? I tend to always write so much and then whine about it getting too long). Soo I should end it with a sip of pineapple juice and malibu.


I'm gna make me some dimsums.
Feels nice to write ^_^ its been so long. And I say it each time. Wow I put a broken tape recorder to shame don't I?


Cyaazzzzzz yo. haha cool sign off.

I won't do it. I just won't!

-pokes head in-

Hello!

Long time!

As usual.

So, in a few months I move to Toronto. And there, I'm lined up to work, study, live, socialise etc. etc. So much uprooting and such little time.

What won't I do? A damn MBA. What's the point of training myself to simple work for someone else? I won't do it! Nuh uh, no way! I'd rather do an MA in Psych and fuel my interests, so I actually enjoy life and work shouldn't feel like a pain in the ass (like my current BBA classes, except for some). Like the one I'm supposed to be in right now - CG, Corporate Governance - quite obviously it doesn't seem to grasp even an ounce of my interest.

I'm going home on Thursday - home is now Gurgaon, not Mumbai anymore - and get to meet Mother darling after aaages! ^_^

----

Ok I ran away for a bit there when class got over and after class got over, I played tennis for 2 hours (no I am not good), ran around all over campus, ate dinner, poked someone with a pen (not on purpose), played cards (a game called saath aath, it's fun :D) and now I should shower but I'm being lazy..sooo hopefully this post shall be up on the blog soon.

My sheets are powerpuff girl sheets. That is a random fact, one that I should be embarrassed about but oh well :D.

And regarding MBAs, fine..I shall be open to the option as long as its an MBA in entrepreneurship, not just any course that teaches me how to do the masters work, better than the master with just no autonomy to match.

That's all for now. Two hours and I should be a cleaner person! ^_^

Goooood day and night!

Kudos to One Tree Hill

Maybe soap operas work so well because it's easy to lose yourself in someone else's life or someone else's problems to get away from your own, or when your own life isn't adequate enough.

When you reach that flat level of constant inactivity, where do you go from there?

You live vicariously.

And the most lost ones of us are the ones that get lost in other's lives the most. Like gossip.

Which is probably where the stereotype of a bored housewife with a rack full of gossip magazines, and soap operas comes from, but to what extent does that stereotype apply only to the bored housewives?

Some of us, no, practically all of us at some point of time or the other, hide away in other's lives, to save ourselves from drowning in our own pathetic existences.

Happy New Year!

Wow..it's 2011, time really does fly doesn't it?

Same old is happening, just hope everyone out there's doing good :)

I have end terms coming up soon, along with sports fests and college cultural events, hope they go well! :)

Wish me luck. I'm gna keep this one short.

Have a good year!

x

I define outdated.

Haha, it's like each time I decide to write - I'm literally screaming apologies. I may as well change the name of this damn blog to "Apologies for not writing enough", all in different forms, words, styles, timelines, tones..you name it.

So, I may as well get it over with - my apologies for not writing enough.

New update:

I'm in FLAME. Still. It's an overdose right now because the campus is so damn isolated from the rest of the world - and it's been TWO AND A HALF YEARS.

My book list has definitely gotten longer than what the column on the right says..to the extent that even though I stopped reading for quite some time since the last book in that list I'm sure it's still longer than what's already been mentioned.

I've realised friends are really important, and they can't be sidelined :) you know who you'll are.

I love the course I'm doing, it's a perfect blend of what keeps my parents happy in terms of the the future they want me to have, and of what can satiate my want for subjects that cater more to the knowledge I want to acquire through academia. It's essentially a BBA with a BA :) so yay.

Distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder when you're true friends, it just effect how fond you are.

My escapism stunts still continue :D this blog is proof of that considering I should be doing psychology and conflict studies assignments right now.

I love travelling - but my geography is SO pathetic, all thanks to my terrible memory - I really need to do something about memorising capitals. Next time you see me, ask me the capital of Sikkim (it's Gangtok, but you need to make sure I know that).

Oooh I saw Social Network, great movie :)

I will see you soon. Hopefully it won't be months and months later (yes I get sick of updates too).

Let's get some psychology work done.

Gnite :)

Long time sounds like a cliche, and it is.

And it has been long, really long..still going to FLAME, still living the same life.
Here's a list of additions:
1-Internship with a firm called Direxions in worli. It's pretty cool.
2-I've learnt driving, I need to get a license made now.
3-I've realised that travelling so much is NOT my cup of tea.
4-Things are getting pretty boring and monotonous around me.
5-I miss writing :(. And I miss the comfort it gives me.
6-I'm reading Conversations with God..it's a little heavy all at once, but once you piece the things written in there down..it's pretty nice.
7-I have a constant need to recount my day! I guess that's why writing helps :).
8-I slowly have begun to like trance music.
9-I finished reading The Glass Palace and I loved it. It's one of the best books ever. Kudos to Amitav Ghosh.
10-I have new heels that I can't wait to wear :)! Well, actually two new pairs.
11-I'm cramping >.<. yeaow.
12-My dad's adorable..he's hellbound on making me happy (not that I mind!)
13-I bought dirty bata chappals for the rainy season.
14-This list is loong.

That's a lot for one day. I wish people would remind me to keep writing. It's really important to me..*sigh*

Anywho, I missed this place. Loves.

Me.

15 Steps - Radiohead

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out and you cut the string.

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
First you reel me out and then you cut the string

You used to be all right
What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue?
Did your string come undone?
One by one
One by one
It comes to us all
It's as soft as your pillow

You used to be all right
What happened?
Etcetera, etcetera
Fads for whatever
Fifteen steps
Then a sheer drop

How come I end up where I started?
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out and you cut the string.

Back to college

So today is the day back in college. The past few days were a lot of fun - but now it's time to get down to some serious work (something that I've almost kinda forgotten all about). I have a lot of work, but I've finished a lot of work too :) so yay.
This vacation was fun - strenuous in the beginning, what with grandma and her being hospitalised and rushing back for that, to taking care of all the huge number of family members that landed up at our place, to dealing with mum and dad. Eventually, I just collapsed and ran away for new years :).
Anyway, nothing much on the update except that I'm a fat cow who eats a lot aaaand the fact that college is getting a little, what's the word? oh yeah - annoying.
I'm eating smarties and they're too fucking sweet. Egh. I need water.
So this one's going to be short - nothing major to say as such. Adieu.

A day in the life of holidays.

Living in Kharghar kinda sucks. Its way too far from all of my friends, but then again, it has its plus points, though right now, the one plus point that makes up for any kind of loss is..a source of loss. I lost something this morning - and I'm never going to get it back. It kinda..sucks. To think 18th April couldn't wait. No, I was not ready!! Makes me feel horrible. And slow. And sluggish. I just don't want to do anything :(
Anyway, went to the beach this morning with my family. It was nice. Place called Nargao. The prawns were yummy ^_^ and there was this cool roti thing made out of rice flour. Oh oh and for the first time in my life, I actually liked eating fish. Go Surmai! :]
Eep and I feel disconnected from college, I have so much work to do! And some of it I don't even know about yet. Just leaving it all for after new years. Which btw reminds me, I have zero new year plans. Nothing whatsoever. Even my antisocial parents have plans. But me? Nuh uh. No plaaans.
Oh god I'm feeling blah. And the reason for my blahness is out fixing a car. Just perfecccct.
-dies-
(until next time)
x

Xxxmas

I'm that lame ^_^.
I'm home! And I'm confused. About certain things. Including me. And certain other things. This doesn't have to make sense but who am I? :( This is frustrating.
Ok I'm done with that. I'm home! And dad went to Nashik today and he'll be back today so I'll get good food (yes, this is indeed the part where my ramblings are just out of having nothing else to say). I played squash and went to the place I was planning to go to ever since..a month back.
Anywhoooo, merry christmas (plum cake and mistletoe <3 :D).
Loves and cookies with milk,
Me.

Ho hum.

Wow. So it's been long. And so MUCH has changed. I'm such a douche when it comes to maintaining this thing properly..but I'm getting back now. Writing is an important part of me and I won't let it go that easy :) but then again, there are things more important to me in my life now. Let's just brief up on everything that's changed so far. List? Ok then. Tada! (and Voila!)

1. Love. Gay mushy love. No more comments.
2. So as per the last post I'm supposed to be in Sophia's, but thankfully, I'm not, I'm in FLAME Pune and I love life here. So far.
3. My parents are getting older - but I feel much more connected to them.
4. My grandparents are getting sicker - but I give them much more attention now, something I should've done a long time back.
   
5. I've gotten so involved in things here (out of choice) that I've neglected things from the past e.g. old friends and my goldfish, oh and writing for a while too. Oops. Sorry blog.
6. I have everything I want. And maybe a little more.
7. I love Uno and those small, wild, khatta meetha berries from stalls on the road.
   
8. I have a lot of new stuff toys: Ee, Nunu, Piglet and Mr. Piggles.
9. My cellphone has an answering machine now.
   
10. I got elected vice-captain of FSLE and captain of my batch (yay me!) but somewhere along the way got totally discouraged. Eh.
11. Little confused about my future.
    
12. Aand finally, GPA last semester, as per my calculations = 9.3! Whee!

Still happy. Still striving. Zest for life a little higher now that IB is over. Christmas holidays going on. Love them. Going back home tomorrow! Can't wait.
Merry Xmas. Though Santa's pretty much an excuse for merriment, and it's perfect :D.
Byebye!

Summmmmer is love.

I got up at 1 today. Well technically I got up at 8:30, but then went back to sleep and got up at 1. So yeah. I love SUMMER! :D It's been so fucking lazy, except during admission time. Oh and I got into Sophia's :). Xaviers was so out of the question. A fucking 91% cut off for us poor non-hsc people :(! That's crazy. Anywho, tomorrow is fee-paying day. So tomorrow I go to Peddar Road and pay up, and then hang out at Hobby Ideas and then stay over at Ridfuck's house <3.
I saw Mere Baap Pehle Aap today. Well not completely, cuz we walked out half way. What a shit movie. I've been doing a LOT these past few days, it's cool :).
I've been dying to learn driving for the past ages! But when it comes down to the moment of getting behind the wheel I just get all freaked out. God. Haha. And I had this whole list of things to do during the vacations and I've done barely any of them. I'll put up a booklist soon - yeahyeah, I made a list of all the things I have to do during the vacations and all the books I have to read :P.
Heh, so a few days ago..dad smelt alcohol on me. Bah! He should know I can control myself when I have to..but surprisingly, he was way cooler about it than I thought he would be. It's nice to know they trust me to be mature enough to take care of myself, cuz I know I can. Yay.
Thinks are pretty happy happy right now, so before this get overtly happy I'm gna go.
Adieu :). And I'll try to keep writing often. It's not that easy considering how sucky my internet connection is! Yeah. So. Bye.

Ha ha.

rendition

n.

3. (also extraordinary rendition) (especially in the US) the practice of sending a foreign criminal or terrorist suspect covertly to be interrogated in a country with less rigorous regulations for the humane treatment of prisoners.

Summmmmmer :D!

So it's been long, and I know I've said it a million times before, but I just keep doing it again and again! Damn :(. So I'm in kharghar now. The place is pretty nice, but then there's the trouble of transport. And I'm listening to Apple Bottom Jeans - come around and I'll give the big booty a SLAM! She hit the floor, next thing you know, shawty got low low low low low low low (8) xD Haha, the lyrics. Last night was retarded, and a tad bit annoying but pretty ok too. Alcohol always makes things interesting :D. It's God's apology for creating boredom in the universe.
So, dad'll be back tonight and I'm going to cook! Ankita's Ash Speciality. Yeah, so, cooking? Not my forte. But I have a muffin mix! I'll bake an ugly muffin =].
Ooh, now Apologize is playing. I love OneRepublic's songs. It sucks that they only got noticed once Timbaland got his hands on them. They were all over Myspace earlier, with a buncha really good songs including Tyrant.
My cellphone has this annoying habit of sorting msgs by reverse month and so, when each month starts, my new msgs go to the bottom of the inbox. Confusing much? Yeah, I guess, but it's not a very nice situation to be in.
I MUST learn driving. Boo :(
Ok now, I must go and do something else. Why? Cuz I can't think of more to say here. Except that scandals are a lot of fun :D.
Byebye.

Rooftops - Lost Prophets

I feel nostalgic when I listen to this song. It reminds me of leaving this school. It's been a good five years, and now it's time to say goodbye. Actually, I've already said goodbye. Graduation was on Sunday night. It was pretty nice. No regrets, just looove. Haha, yeah soppy-ish.
Now I'm sitting at Urvi's place. I've been seeing way too much of it lately. In the evening we run away to Harish's place for his mini social birthday gathering. Hmm. They probably won't have alcohol. We were at Make N' Bake! Haha, we started off by nicely painting this beer mug, and ended up messing it up so bad! Haha, it looked like shit with random words pasted all over it. We corrupted the mug. Hah. More like I did. Bah well. I'm stuffed. And my tummy is HUGE. It's like I'm pregnant. It's weird sitting here alone with Urvi away. I'm in her house without her around. And her mum's currently pissed. In general. Which doesn't help. Bah.
Anywho :) with exams over I have loads of plans and I will follow them. I hope. Considering there're almost 3 months of NOTHINGNESS, I really have to plan something for myself or sit idle the entire day. I will cleanup drive! :D Hah, more on that later.
Hmm, I didn't have much fun writing this post. Maybe cuz I'm out of practice. I don't have broadband in the new house in Kharghar :(. But I do have my own address and entrance and exit from the appartment. Yay!
Ok now I'm gna go read shitty Meg Cabot chick lit. Adieu ^_^.

ARGH.

I hate them both, I cannot believe they'd make me cry so much. Wtf is with this shit man! It's like they're doing this on purpose just to get "back" at me. And then they top it off with "I love youuu" awww, fuck you. God. It's just a bunch of keys! For bloody convenience sake! And it sucks to see that someone can be so untrusted. I can't WAIT to get out of this hellhole. Be it hong kong or any fucking where in this world, I just wanna get the fuck away. I HATE THEM! No matter what I do for them, just cuz they speak louder and fuss MUCH MORE about what they sacrifice doesn't mean that everything I do, quietly, for them should just be ignored. How fucking retarded is this?! And it's worse to have weird tears just streaming down my face. It makes my face go REDDER and I look so stupid! God I feel suffocated. And horrible. And that too on the first day that I don't have any exams to be pissed off with. Why thank you very much for nothing you bitches.

You are the moon, by The Hush Sound

"Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone..

You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe..

I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every moment that you rise."

It says so much in just so much. It's perfect. Just the lyrics, in themselves, they're just..perfect.

Exam weekends suck

Sometimes the easiest way out is to deny everything, even to yourself..
That's so true.
But I'm going to step out of it.
And the expecting nothing, being happy with everything quasi-resolution's working out. And I like it. I will be that way. It's peaceful. And stops internal conflicts.
Though there are some holes in it, I'll cork them up though. Nope, I won't let you get me. *pokes tongue*
French got over today. Paper 1 was nice, paper 2 was much much better, hopefully it'll pull up my grade and make up for my shitty orals.
Ok that's all! Byea.

"Say what you need to say.."

Biology, English and Chemistry are over for a long long time now.
I will miss them v_v.
They went ok, but English wasn't as nice as I'd want it to be. Chemistry wasn't quite there either. But Biology was pretty good. May the forces of the world come together to get me my 38/42. I want. I want. I waaaaaaaaaant. Please? PLEASE?! Please :(.
Bah. I'm going against my principles. If I want it, I will get it. Me. Only me. Just ME! I must.
Tomorrow is french. *crosses fingers* And then follows Math Paper 3, I hate options, and then Physics HL..all three papers in two damn squeezed up days. *blink, blink* I'm dead meat. Must worrrrk.
Song of the day is Say by John Mayor. I wanna watch The Bucket List. It's the OST of the movie. The lyrics are pretty, they're..overcoming, with a nice repetitive touch to them. Bleh.
Enough. Must go now.

I have decided..

to be an all forgiving and all loving person :D. I will not expect anything, but I will be pretty damn happy about what I get. It's quite the revelation. Haha, let's see how long this quasi-resolution of mine lasts, it's probably going to last as long as this random good mood does.
It's funny how sometimes you get so conditioned to the good things about yourself that you forget they're even there. That's not a good thing. I must stop doing that. "Nobooody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard, I'll take you back to the stars (8)" Yay, my iTunes has good timing! It's much simpler than we make it to be though, no matter what Coldplay says, all you have to do is tryyyyy. I love songs.
Oh and english today was shit btw, I wrote like one of them drugged poets. And the fact that all I wanted to do was go to sleep didn't help either. BUT it wasn't as bad and tragic as it could have been. Oh well, I'm definitely not counting on a 7. Next up is Biology, I hope that's a cruise though I've been a bit over confident about it. I must go study now. Byebye.

It's been..

..a week of exams. Today was chemistry options, and yayy, I guess the all-nighter did pay off :). I knew everythiiing ^_^.
I like papers like that, they didn't even ask the stupid complicated equations with numbers all over the place and stupid elements turning to radicals and alkjdalsjdsoirsadjf.
Ahh well, this is temporary peace. Next up is Eng Lit, and Bio and French, but they're ok. The eeeevil ones are a week after. Pure math and physics! >_<
Besides the exams, I love Grey's Anatomy and Across the Universe and at the rate I'm going I'm never getting over themmmm.
My grandma's being a pain in the ass too. Haww, oh well, must learn to deal. Or avoid. She just ends up following me around everywhere. From room to room. She's leechy. I love her and all that, but blehhh.
I like coke.
I slept for 8 hours in the day instead of the night before the exam.
There is keema for dinner. Times aren't that rough.
I will get through these exams..
somehow.
*poofles*

So far..

Around 5 papers done, but no complete subject's over yet.
Tomorrow is chemistry options, and I is screwed :).
Exams are bitches. The end.

For the Widows in Paradise - Sufjan Stevens

Yep, I'm in that mood. The one where you sit alone, in your own company, thinking just to yourself, about yourself. The one where you put a song on repeat for at least an hour and listen to it till you become one with every tune the song expresses, one with the words, one with the music, till you don't feel yourself anymore, you're just lost in each chord, each rhyme and then maybe somewhere along the way you find peace. I'm annoyed at the uneasiness in me. It doesn't make sense, I don't even know the reason why, even though I always do, I always know what's bothering me..I can always even conjecture..but now, there's nothing..no thoughts that could even do it. It could be the exams but I know it's not..it's something more than that. It's this restlessness in me that's dying to lash out at something, but at the same time it's smothering itself - almost like a cycle, the more I smother it the harder it lashes at me. God am I even making sense? I don't think so..
Fuck all that. So what song is it that's soothing me down? This one..and I know I can go on sitting here, just listening, forever.

"I have called you children
I have called you son
What is there to answer
If I'm the only one
Morning comes in paradise
Morning comes in light
Still I must obey
Still I must invite

If there's anything to say
If there's anything to do
If there's any other way
I'll do anything for you

I was dressed embarrassment
I was dressed in wine
If you had a part of me
Will you take your time?
Even if I come back
Even if I die
Is there some idea
To replace my life

Like a father to impress
Like a mothers morning dress
If I ever make a mess
I'll do anything for you

I have you called you preacher
I have called you son
If you have a father
Or if you haven't one

I'll do anything for you
I'll do anything for you
I'll do anything for you
I'll do anything for you

I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you
I did everything for you.."

You have to listen to it to really know what I mean..
<3.

Rant #20983109283912

"Baby I just can't get around it anymore,
You make me feel like..home is where you are."
Nice song, it just doesn't stop playing in my head over and over and over again. Bethany Joy Lenz has really nice compositions, they suit my voice too :).
My fishes look like cute little golden sperms. Notice the way they're in all my recent posts? I have no life. Yay.
Math is still being an awful bitch, I need to work on it to get my average higherrrrr. Bah, but by pure calculations, I'm currently at an 83.3%, which isn't that bad..but everyone in our school does nothing but live in a rat race. So in order to fit my fat ass into the entire game, I must strive for more. Bah.
So back to the fish. I gave them a bath today - which means I cleaned their fish bowl. God for two tiny little things they sure do shit a lot. Especially considering the size of the pellets they get each day. They're like the dot on the letter i on this blog.
I've been having an overdose of Fresh Prince of Bel Air ever since I got broadband and it's fucking annoying that I've started to think like he talks, you know, the whole wasssup dawg thing. >_< Ack. Oh well, at least he's funny.
My ankle's messed up. And it doesn't stop hurting :(.
I miss everyone from school, but sometimes they make me wonder if they're even worth the trouble. *sigh*
Oh god I feel another pepperoni pizza craving coming up, I must go now. Byebye.

Boo.

Oh god, headache. I hate fucking study leaves. I end up doing shitall work and have these huge headspins. And it doesn't help that I just banged my heel against the bottom of a chair in the process of shifting myself from the chair to the bed. Bah, conclusion of the day: study leaves cause massive body injuries. School's should ban exams.
I'm a cribby crab *scuttles around*. My creativity is really horrible. I'm repeating everything I'm saying to people on msn on this post. Oh well, it's all the same. At least I'm not a plagiarising copycat. Anita Desai on the other hand, is. Though it sucks that it was disclosed. Stupid competitive people from Harvard. They were going to make a movie on Opal Mehta, one of those fun-to-watch, leave-your-brains-aside chick flicks. I love those kind, with popcorn. *cruuunch* But no, the Harvard nerdies had to ruin my movie-watching dreams for me.
What's the most interesting thing in my life nowadays? You mean besides the whole newfounded obsession with The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? That would be my fish. I love them. I would be pretty upset if they died. I am anticipating it. Why? Cuz most of the sites on goldfish say that they're the easiest pets to lose =(. Stupid fish. [LOVE]
HAHA. I love Salad Fingers. Archit just linked me their first episode. He finds rusty spoons orgasmic. How lovely ^_^. You HAVE to watch it. You'd either get extremely repulsed or love it, like I do. http://www.fat-pie.com/salad.htm.
Anywho, that's all for now. I should get back to doing what I do best.
*gone*

Pipsqueak and Pooch are the shit! What would we do without puns?

Belated happy birthday to me. *has a mini e-celebration on her blog*
Ok we're done here, wrap it up.
Pshaw, exams are mean whores..I have mine in 15 days and I just HAD to be born bang in the middle of the study leave. Oh well, all's well that ends well. Even if that makes no sense in context. I'm still quoting! *takes credit anyway*
I got..an acoustic guitar. I will learn to play it and I will finally compose. I got FISHES! So here's a shoutout to my homies from the fishbowl. O_o I mean..this is for my adorably clueless dumbfuck-thinkalike fishes :) who I've named Pipsqueak and Pooch. I like birthdays. And the cake was yummilicious. Rimjhim forgot my birthday. She will burn in hell. God will see to that! *says the atheist*
Anywho, how's exam preparation? I am not answering that question so too bad.
I still love Cyanide and Happiness. Why am I saying this? Because in the middle, I'd randomly completely lost interest. And now I'm back on it like the addict that I am.
We had our farewell last Friday. And then the after party at Prive, which was prrretty interesting. The juniors did an amazing job with it, skit and everything and they deserve as much, if not more, applaud than my fishes :O, and that's saying something.
Hmm, except that my fishes shit a lot, and don't start screaming ew like a constipated pink bitch when I say this, but they kinda..eat their own shit O_O.
There's a lot more to say here. But some things are better left unsaid.
I am so done with this post! And if you're on of those silent stalking readers, who REFUUUSE to leave comments, just..have a semi-prayer *if not a full one* for me in your heads so that I don't fail that miserably in my exams. Thank you. Bye.

I ripped off my facebook favourite quotes :)

"It's only in the black of nights you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.."

"Because it's not fair to love you in chains.."

"If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.."

"Stay with me, lay with me
Lean on me, call on me
Run with me, dream with me
Pray with me, fall on me
Whenever you need me
I'll be by your side
As sure as the sun's gonna rise.."

"Fake your laughter
Burn the tear
Sing it louder
Twist and shout.."

"Something inside says it's easier
To push you away but stay and
Hold on love
Even when I cry all night
Even when I swear I don't love you
Just hold on love.."

"The things that we don't comprehend
Are laughing at my mind again..
Sometimes things that you ignore
Are all the things I'm looking for..
Portraits of your loved ones
Are more than what you see
All the elements they capture
Are more to you than me
A different dimension we've yet to define
There's a forest to cut through with thorns and vines
There is no reason not to try.."

"All I know of love is that love is all there is."

"To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
For me, no.."

It's official. My family is insane. There's a grand canyon between our flow of thoughts. I hate this shit.

Peppermint = love.

Mmm, so the mommy-hatred is pretty much past tense. She always manages to work me up. How annoying. She shouldn't be allowed to get to me like that! Bah. >_<
I just had a cute little one hour math session :), it's nicer like that. I love peppermint cigarettes. Haha, the name of the brand is Phantom. And they have these random did-you-know facts on the boxes. Did you know that the Nile is 6759 kms long, making it the longest river in the world? Well, Phantom sweet cigarettes sure did. That's how smart they are. There's this other box that has a find the difference game on it. And along the side of the box it says "Play game and enjoy!" Haha, I love Indian brands.
Meh, funny boxes with amazing candy in them aside, life's annoying me. Applications are messing my brain up. My family is really not letting me do what I want. I would love to work with my dad for his business, but there's this part of me that feels that I'm letting go off my own dreams for his, rather I'm letting go of the dreams I have for myself for the dreams of us together, O_o too dreamy yeah? Ugh. I want to do psychology. I swear to god I'm going to transfer to friggin' SMU and get that double degree. Maybe the extra years will help in getting my mind unmuddled. For now though, I have mega huge exams to tackle, with monstrous math. Thankfully I have yummy peppermint cigar thingies to tickle my sweet tooth :]. I've already eaten three of them while writing this.
*runs off, still munching on yumsticks*

Just one stupid

The calm after the storm. My moods better now. Hopefully she's not going to do it again. There is residual anger but it'll subside eventually. Thankfully dad didn't go crazy over the tattoo. Oh well, fuck everything. *grrs*

STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID

Mum = stupid. And yes, I'd use way stronger words if I could. Why is she such a..a..*BAD WORD HERE*?! Aaaargh, who DOES that? HOW can someone who's lived such a friggin' long ass 40+ years life not know the basic concept of trust? Stupid woman. It's not about what she says, it's about the fact that she EVEN says it, no matter what the reason, you're just NOT supposed to do such stuff. Why doesn't she have the brains enough to understand when to stfu?
Godddd. Fuck. Here's to never letting her know anything at all. This better make her happier. @#%$@*$)#@$#.
Argh. I'M TOO PISSED TO SAY BYE.

It's your day today, whee.

Ooop, I just noticed the date on the top of my post. It's April's Fools day! How nice. I did nothing to fool anyone, and nobody fooled me. And neither did anyone around me bother fooling anyone else. How fun. I did however eat yummy dragon chicken. God, at the rate I'm going I'm gna end up having to get liposuction done. Anywhooo, good day to all the fools out there, maybe the world's playing a joke on me and it's actually not April's Fools day after all. Or is that thinking too much?

Happy April's Fools day!

Yay. xx *runs away*

Heaaaaaaaadspinny.

So as usual blogger has decided to feel extra hungry and has successfully gobbled all a major chunk of my blog. This lazy bum isn't going to bother doing it all over again and isn't even going to inform you of what was in there, it's all random ranting anyway. There's Mika playing and it's disgusting. I must change the song. Yay. Jack off Jill now, American made. Me like.
I'm currently undergoing major headspin, there's so much I haven't done yet..like math..I have past papers and stupid catching up to do. I'm going to sleep way early today. But before that I really need to do a past paper. Oh god. I can't do so much! I can'tttttt, my heaaaaaaad. *dies*
God, if only I got a penny (or ruppee) for each time I've died in this blog, I'd use all my money to live somewhere far far away from any NUMBER in sight. Yucksome.
The unidentified ant/mosquito hickeys on my feet are getting really annoying. And I want to take off my lenses.
I'm getting worried now, not only for all subjects other than math, but for college applications. Everyone's getting in everywhere and it's annoying me cuz I know my deadlines and application dates are later but it's still scary to have so many people around you getting into places, and knowing exactly where they're heading when you have no clue, and the only place you've applied and gotten into is a place you'd only go to if every other university was bombed and exploded to bits. *sigh* there are NO cute guys there, but that's not what I want from college! Ahhh. *dies* yeah, there I go again, dying out on this shitface of a blog.
I'm really getting annoyed writing here now, I sometimes have this annoying tendency of working myself up over crap and then I start typing really hard and I might just rip my laptop's keypad apart. That won't be nice now would it? Especially considering it's my lifeline. Ok enough now, this is getting too long, and way too serious for my liking. Farewell's coming up. I need a dress. Yuck. *dies again*
OMG, bye al-fucking-ready.

The day before fool's paradise

Yeah, so what're my plans for the big day? Go to school for the 9th last time as a school girl in my LIFE. Whee! Talk about fun. A few people got together and made a year book for our entire batch and its reaally good :D. Me is happy cuz my page is the bomb <3.>that! Eh. Shut up. I was saying..math is a bitch and a half. I have no idea how I'm going to manage a damn seven. It's unfair the way they don't give us a second type II portfolio. Bitches. MEGABITCHES. Grr. I will kill them. Oza has a huge ass. It's ok though, Tarini still loves him.
I'm done here. School's still annoying and agonisingly irritating. There are the last few days left and I'm going to be sad that it's all over. Five years. All done. Teartearsniffsniff and all that. Here's to graduation :D. Byebye.

*SIGH!*

Right. So. I don't get the deal with parents. To think that with 17 years of practice I wouldn't have some knowledge of how to figure them out. They're so crabby and..and..icky. >_<
My phone was confiscated for a day. Just a day. What are they trying to do?! It's so confusing. They're full of mixed signals. "You just need to want it, then you'll get it." and then next second, "Oh, wanting isn't enough!" Now wtf am I supposed to make of that? Forget that even. Even if I let that go there's the entire issue of the pointlessness of screaming. Fear of those..eeeevil parents of mine is not going to make me do my work, I don't get why instead of putting in so much energy into screaming, why can't they channel all of it into helping. Help how you might say? Just be there. Make sure I'm doing my work. Don't just punish me when I don't. There's a difference between being a good parent and a hard working one. Unfortunately mine don't know the difference.
Urgh. Whatever. I'm sitting in school right now. In the middle of the LC and its cold. And doing math isn't that warming. I'm loaded with 2 hours worth of just homework. It's like she thinks we're machines. So I'll just say *sigh* again. This rant is going to end now cuz I'm poff. Pfffffft xP.

Oh yeah

I forgot,

HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY!

even though I don't really give much of a shit about this festival :)

What I want

I want so much out of life. It's crazy how fast I can name so many things I want to do. But out of them, today, I can pick exactly what I want. It's not concrete, but I want to set up my dad's dreams with him. Everyday he'd come back home and tell me all about what he's done throughout the day, he'd treat me like an adult and share his ideas and give much more than just a shit about my opinions on them, sometimes even pull them out of me, unintentionally of course, all of which just make me relive his experiences, in a subtle kinda way. I want to do exactly what he does, but with more independence and with more control. What made me decide? It was simple. Sunderban. The rich and flourishing delta of West Bengal. The place where despite the abundant resources there's poverty - a lot of poverty. The place where the price of land speaks for itself - almost Rs 2.5 per square foot in comparison to Mumbai's Rs 6000+, but those are just facts, facts that point towards what I want to do. Facts that scream into my head saying if an area that has so much richness to offer has such poverty, the rest of India's suffering in the same way, probably worse. I want to travel around India and experience the pain of all the people in my country and help them, through my dad's dreams. I want to go back and touch the primitive state the people in this country live in. I want to share their hopes and understand their thoughts. I want to do so much it's annoying O_o. And so I'm listening to Living Darfur, by Mattafix, an amazing song, that's going to help me keep my current hyper feeling alive enough so that I actually get to what I want. *fingers crossed* I'm out. Byebye.

This is going to sound cliched..

But I would die without music. It's my pill and solution to everything, along with the reason I feel alive. A bit much I suppose? Yeah, but it's true. I was feeling pretty low and stupid for no particular reason and the second I turned the volume up it was all gone. The sounds just crawl under my skin and spread serenity right through me, from head to toe. So yay to music and everything it does to me. Nothing will ever compare.
And speaking of comparisons, why does everything, and I mean everything have to be about comparison? If everyone would just take things the way they are and not try to over analyse them - just accept instead of constantly trying to rank how good something is, life would be much much better. But oh well, people will be people, the world's still going round right?
Hmm, so today was a bomb, I got up late and did nothing ^_^. I love holidays. Math is still swamping me over, I'm blinded by the overdose of it all. Eugh. *hurl*
I still LOVE Grey's Anatomy. Season 2 has twenty fucking seven episodes! Yay. *excitement*
So that's all for today. Alohaaa. *dances around in a grass skirt*

Hello, says the procrastinator.

So here I am, in the whole rigmarole of making excuses again. Which I said I won't do, but I am going to anyway - I was busy. With final submissions. And then having enough fun to make up for the torturous moments of the final submissions. Anywho, I'm here now so you may as well cherish the moments I'm spending here. Or words I'm typing here, whichever way you want to put it. Used the bus today after a long while, went to town and figured I had no other way of getting back home. I saved 190 Rs. And I'm not even maadu.
Blubface and I finally started to watch Grey's Anatomy and finished season one. I love the theme song - Nobody knows. It's stuck in my head right now.
Saw 27 Dresses too, it's nice, in a sick gay manner, yeah it's nice.
And tomorrow I shall see Juno. I hope I like it.
Did I mention that math has taken over this ongoing mid term break of mine? I have a timetable that rigorously covers the entire portion and I've somehow managed to follow it so far, let's see how lucky I continue to be henceforth.
I got a 6 in all my subjects, and that too without studying, except math. Which is unbelievable because I actually love math. That's proof #1 for how twisted the world is, and I assure you that list of proofs goes on to at least a billion.
I love writing poems. It's a nice way of handling my emotions. Someone commented on one of them and made me realise that I suck at emotions. I'm fucking horrible at them, and by them I mean my emotions, somehow I end up being really good with others' emotions. Eh, I confuse myself. And writing somehow helps in organising some of the messes in my head. But that's ok right? Yeah it is.
That's my ramble for today. I'll try to be regular. I need to be regular. Writing is good mind-organisation, yepyep ^_^. Byeo.

Erm..blehh #2?

It's a lazy Saturday afternoon and I'm home alone, but I have nooo idea when my parents are gna be back so let's see how this lazy Saturday ends up. Hmm, here's another song I love. Death Cab for Cutie. Weird name, I need to look up why it's called that.

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark


Uh huh, must get back to chemistry lab report now. I have been lost to the dark side. I want to go to goa again =[. Sigh. *poofs*

Blehh.

That goes for lack of originality, note: title. The world sucks. I have nothing against it, but it seems to have a bit too much against me. I am soooo demotivated. I really don't want to work towards French anymore, to think I actually liked her. Quite the hypocrite isn't she? Ah well, let's see how it goes tomorrow. I can't do nothing but sit and work it out right now. I cannot believe I'd ever say this, but I wish sarcasm didn't exist. It just makes things worse, especially from the mouths of certain venomous people. Egh. Graduation. Or the end of this week. Whatever man, I don't care, just get it done with.
So this is me. Running off after another short post, trying to bind everything that's falling apart together. Next time I write, you'll know how the story ended. Let's make it sound more dramatic shall we? It'll either be shards of shattered glass, or a strong held up combination of everything. Or both. Oh god. *stops thinking* Bye.

Hello there.

Yeah, long time. Again. Henceforth I'm not going to bother regardless of how long it's been since I've written here. I'm annoyed with myself more than anything, or anyone else, and I want it to go away. If only I wasn't such a procrastinator and escapist.
"You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains."
Lovely lines, those. Anywho, I have my french orals day after and I have preparation to do. I wish I could bitch about Rojoa, but I'd say the same thing. It's not his fault, it's just that he isn't dealing with things the right way. I dislike his attitude, but it's my fault I guess. Eh, and it sucks when you lose things. Including your sanity. And people's trust. Bah. Well, I have a teddy bear, a stupid breadman, a little teddy bear and tweety on my desk giving me company while I drown in paperwork. Oh hoot, bye.

Erm?

Yeah, so it's been ages since I've written, but I have reasons! Even though I can actually do whatever I want, it IS my blog you know. Buuut, I've had stupid exams. I've killed myself 16 times and miraculously, and unfortunately, survived, I've gone to Goa and had an amazing time, met new people :P, done a lot of crap, gotten to know things I'd be happy without knowing and generally been busy. Did I also mention I've been procrastinating writing up here for a long while? Yeah, well, that too.
So today's philosophical bullshit comprises of me thinking about certain people and how they keep..friend hopping. Honestly, it should become a way more commonly used expression instead of pub hopping. And I don't get it, how can you be so close to someone one second and skip away to someone else the next? Call it good networking, or call it being adaptable, I call it hypocrisy, cuz each time you "hop" you leave a part of you, and you change. It's too much changing, and you end up losing yourself in the midst of all the people around you. Your opinions transform, and adapt to the people around you. I can see it happening, I saw it ever since it started. Psshhh well, it doesn't concern me, I'm just bitching ^_^.
I have my english orals, and my french orals coming up. Screwed! I must go and work towards them. This update was the shittiest I have ever written - just goes to show I'm out of practice, if that's possible. Ooh I bought loads of yellow orchids for the house. They're pretty. I like. Red roses suck.
Anywho, ciao. x

Damn. If I wrote a book on me, I'd name it "What not to do during exams"

Bah. Cuz I'm doing exactly that. What I'm not supposed to do. Ok, not completely, my papers have gone ok so far, but I still get annoyed in the middle and my mind wanders off to better happier things like the Maiden concert, or loads of money, or or..Lauren Harris in leather pants. Yeah, life's not beautiful. Like that movie name Life is beautiful, quite the paradox cuz the movie's actually about how ugly life is, so I like the movie - it's truthful, unlike the happy ending soppy other movies, which I still like anyway. News Flashhhh! I've realised that I'm not that extreme when it comes to liking something. I'm not a hyper obsessed freak and I don't know a lot about just one particular thing. It's just that when I don't like something, well I really really don't. But that passes away too. =]
I can't decide which one's better, Maiden or Metallica..it's so annoying, ever since someone asked me which one I liked better, I've been thinking about it and..there's just no answer. It's like 0 raised to 0, there is just NO friggin' answer >_<.
Dad got me, wow here I go on about dad again, so annoying, well he got me this really pretty necklace and this cute Pandaaaaa! The necklace is amazing <3, and the Panda's actually a big Panda holding a little one. They've been named Yin and Yang. Pay respect to them, they deserve it. And if you don't..then..suffer from the wrath of the PandaPair!
My hair's wet. That can definitely not be good considering the temperature. And I'm eating sweet n sour berry things, which will kill my throat. Perfect. Let's just make my condition better for the four papers I have to give tomorrow. The things I do to myself.
Turn the page. Ciao x

This one's short.

Meh. Hello. I'm here after a buncha days. Thankfully. Exams. Yuck. I'm fucking scared and..erm, yeah scared. Tomorrow's math, totally synonymous to my death in extremely torturous conditions. So let's see how it goes, if I ever post again you'd know if I get out of it alive.
Friday was fucking awesome \m/. English paper went well. I mugged up a tonne of literary features and threw them in wherever I could :D. So that was good, but bleh, everything else is going to go so bad. Anywho, this one has to be short, my parents have this tendency to stop me from doing anything I like. So adios. <3

Moo point! <3

After a point, lenses get annoying. They're making me squint and feel strange. Or maybe it's just the fact that I'm straining my eyes so much by glaring into a computer screen or mobile display so much. Oh blah. Haha, as far as the title's concerned, I love Joey. That guy is such a friggin' dork. Everything he says makes me wanna laugh ^_^. A cow's opinion. It just..doesn't matter. Haha. Yay FRIENDS.
I had my french orals today. They sucked. Totally expected. I'm not, yes I repeat, I'm not, excited about Maiden. I hate myself. But mostly, I hate exams. It's all their fault that the 1st of February scares the shit outta me cuz just a few days away from that date, are when the mocks start. Omg die die. Our school is stupid. Not the school, but the system and the way it's designed. But I can't complain, it's just tough to keep up that's all.
Today was a waste. I went to school for the orals and ended up in Subway sitting and munching on roast chicken breast salad with coke and lays. Yes my chemistry book was open in front of me, and no I did not read more than two lines, both of which I forgot immediately after reading them.
Bah, some of my friends from MIS are getting their farewells and it seems so strange to think about the day when I would never, ever have to go to school again and when the entire life I've lived for the past 5 years wouldn't be the same. Makes me sad :(. Aww. But there's still time so I'm going to save the extra mush for later, in May.
My new name is Yeepie. I love the sound of it. Try saying it. It feels nice rolling off your tongue =].
You know how overhearing people's conversations makes you come to conclusions about them? I'm not the kind to listen in on a conversation, but this one made me think of this person as more and MORE of a fucking leech. I mean how LEECHY can you get?! Eugh. I hate him ^_^.
Ok enough. I must go read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and write about the different themes I see in them. First exam is English, yepyep.
Until next time, byebye.

Crap. There're only ten minutes left. And I love you!

Yes, it's another one of the special one's birthdays today, and me being the lazy procrastinator, have waited till the last minute to write this up. Omg I have to hurry to make it to the deadline and I MUST put it up during the 27th of January >_<. So, Kirtika, KC, Kitty, blah de blah. My favourite being her actual name cuz the rest just make her seem either like a meowing pussycat, or some cool "yo" DJ. DJ KC. Haha, the sound of that is funny. Anyway, this chick hawwt, this chick nasty, this chick rocks maaaa sawwwwks. Yuck. Rephrase, she's awesome <3. standard ="].">

She's smart. Physics. Fucking hell, I'm like one of those n00bie lost idiots and there she is discussing all kinds of einstein worthy things that make me feel like a brainless nitwit, which is not a good thing, but the fact that your smart is :P.

She's hawt. Oh yeah, she's tall and she's hawt. She will make you want to craaaave for a piece.

She's fun! She deals with my randomness the way it comes and unlike many people I know, she accepts it and either joins in or laughs it off. Stop laughing it off loser! Joining in makes life funner. <3u.

We love Mr. Pande! HE'S MINE, obviously, but since she loves him too, she's cool and has good choice in tv-on-their-tummy-less teletubbies.

She won't take shit from no one. No one at all. Not even me. You go girl! Wheee.

She goes RED when I talk about a certain something. Haha, you know what I'm saying. How long did it last?! You're so blushing right now. <3.

She loves me. Oh yes she does.

I'm having an affair with her. Hopefull Nimisha will not read this.

She's my strengthee partner! You get shot put, I get discus xD!

This is number ten in the list. Yes, that's what I love about her. The fact that this list is lasting up to number ten.

She's a nerd-like, non-nerd. :D.

She makes me hot :O.

She loves me. Oh yes she does. (7 and 13 are unlucky numbers. No that is not relevant.)

I'm bored of this list. And we both love POOKIE!

I love you man. Enough of this list now. You're probably getting bored reading it now.

Yeah. So, everything included, you're great to have around, and I'm thinking of when you won't be around and when you'll be coming up with some scientific theory in some corner of the MIT building with loads of your nerdy scientist friends around you, and it makes me sad. I will miss you and our hot nights a lot :(. I love you much much, even if I don't say it much. <3

Deletion! Damnations.

How dare blogger randomly delete a part of my post?! No, I did not write the post before this like that on purpose, it just hungrily gobbled a whole chunk of my post. I BET it was yummy. All of my posts are. That's why blogger ate it. Cannibalistic! Electronical stuff eating other electronically written stuff. I am not repeating what I wrote. Too bad. You just get to miss out on bits of my life. Boy are you missing on stuff.
OH OH OH. I finally found out what the gingerbread man that came free with the shrek happy meal from McDonald's says! He goes "Don't worry!" first, which I figured out all by my smart self, and then it says "Not my gumdrop buttons!" And erm, yeah, I had to use google for it. Sue me. Fffs.
Hahaha, and today I came across this random guy on orkut, who hunts for girls his age to talk to. Oh it was hilarious. He ran away when I told him what my age was ^_^. Yeah, he was probably looking for what every guy on orkut does. I wonder what the legal age limit for sex in India is anyway? Hmm. And I wonder why suing for underage sex happens only in the USA, funny country that. Stanford's there. I'm going to go to Stanford eventually. Ohhh yes I will. You can't stop me, mainly because you're just a blog. Wait, when I say "you" I'm not quite sure who I'm addressing, sometimes it's the blog, sometimes just nobody, and sometimes it's the person reading. Ah go figure.
The cats downstairs are so bloody annoying! They're wailing like a buncha babies with lack of spankings and dirty diapers, all at once =/. Ooh they're quiet now. There they go again, I just had to jinx it. My pencil desperately needs sharpening. And I need to get a lead pencil, considering that I have three cute little mini-boxes of pencil lead, but not a single working lead pencil. My world is suddenly falling apart.
No. Not really. It's hanging by a bark of wood, that needs constant supply of lignin. The lignin is a metaphor for TLC :D. So gimme love, which is tender and caring. Thank you.
Sheep are cute. And on that fluffy note, I must depart. Bye.

Shoot your gun

Oh, baby, won't you cry <3. here ="/." style="font-style: italic;">nowhere, this old man started screaming at me from across the road. I was on the phone, cuz walking on the road alone and doing nothing is my least favourite thing in the world, and he screams, "Hey! Young laddyyyy, keep your phone safe, someone will come and rob it and run away!" Reaction #1: Wtf old man?! Reaction #2: Yes, thank you for your concerns. And then he says it again like I'm the one all old and saggy and deaf so Reaction #3: *blank stare* *walk away*. To think there would be a limit to serving others, here's a guy creeping the hell out of poor little creatures like me, who walk on the road on a cold winter day minding their own business and doing no harm. Unless you consider the bacteria around me. I'm a murderer :D.
That's all folks, I must go sharpen my knives - comes to a point when even flesh can make it blunt.
*Sigh* byebye.

Maroon5 and a day out with lyrics.

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies. There are bunnies too. And some jackrabbits. You know what they're good at!"
Someone extremely funny and amazing said that. And it made me laugh. And that person then looked like a deranged lunatic. No you're not going to understand this.
There's Princess Diaries coming on television. And it's just playing - no one's watching it. Mum's cooking and I'm busy typing about the most irrelevant crap ever known to man =/.
Things are way better at home nowadays. Mr. MuffinMan from McDonalds, the one from Shrek, and Mr. SmallUnnamedStuffToy are sitting in one corner of my desk looking adorable. My iPod is suddenly looking pretty fat, especially in comparison to the new "5th" generation ones. Everything around me is cluttered. My dad hates that. How dare he. It's me expressing my messy creativity! Pfft.
Yuck. There's some extra sweet coated with sugar song playing on TV, what a waste of listening. And electricity. And typing too. God the sheer pointlessness of everything is annoying me.
I used to have a dog once. A Labrador named Chikita. Why Chikita? Cuz she was chocolate brown in colour and her name had to be like mine =]. She walked with such a swing, weird for a dog. She was so cute ^_^. I want a kitten now. No one gives me any kittens! =[
Today I did a lot of math. Or tried to. I'm getting increasingly scared about my coming exams. And I keep trying to do anything but preparing. Bah. It's not like I haven't done shit all, but still not good enough. Our school's pretty fucked up too that way. Which school, in their senses, would dump a tonne of assignments on you just days before the mocks?! Ours. Yep. DAIS. One of the most reputed schools in Mumbai. Screw them. Bah, humbug. Me sheep. You Jane? O_o.
This is going to end up weird.
Exeunt.

Just another day.

Yep, except that my exams are closer, that I'm applying to Hong Kong, and that I'm going to fail! I fear being rejected really. I've tried to pretend to not care, but secretly (or not so secretly) inside, I know that if I'm rejected I would feel like a complete and total loser. My grades are horrible :(. Bah! Whatever. Anywho, it's for business anyway, and I'm more into psychology. But I could do both too. Ahhh, screw this. I'm gna apply to FLAME. They better want me cuz I secretly (yes, secretly again) love them! ^_^
Haha, I'm looking at *someone*'s pictures on facebook and it's hilarious how they're so ugly and everyones comments are about how they look amazing. Funny how so many things revolve around perception. In fact everything runs around perceptions. Omg. It's like every word that's uttered from my mouth comes back around to TOK. Daaamnit! >_<
I think mum's home. And I did two hours of grueling math. Enough to make my brain feel like a fried omlette, the spoilt one that got thrown in with the trash right next to the stinky, half eaten apple. Oh god I think I've spelt omlette wrong. If it's wrong then, erm, I owe my blog an apology. And if not, then my brain owes me an apology for confusing me. =/ Wtf am I on?!
God. Bye.

I was just telling someone..

..how the letters D and F are the hottest letters in the alphabet. And it's true. Without those two sound everything would sound so soft and feeble. They're like thunderous words that dramatise each word that they come in. DDDDD <3 FFFFF! <3.
If that didn't make sense, it's fine, I don't expect it to neither did I intend it to. By Friday, I plan on finishing my personal statement and my TOK essay (Final first draft) and finishing revising chemistry. Yep, it's a lot but I'm going to try and do it. Yuck. I'm not looking forward. Then again, Big Audacious Goals says someone I respect, though sometimes that someone baffles me. I don't understand the lack of communication between us, it's so apparent from the way each of our discussions end up. Maybe he should stop trying to be my friend, or maybe he should decide what role he plays in my life for sure. It's so annoying how when it comes to certain things it's almost like I have to pretend to like him. It kills me inside =/, but it's just how I feeeeel. Ok enough emotional rambling, there's been a lot of it recently >_<. Argh IB!
Tomorrow's sports day and so I get a day off :D. So tomorrow I can finish everything I need to. Hopefully.
Oh and I've stopped wearing lenses to school. Weird decision, but I just have. Also, I love onion pakodas, even though they taste a LOT more like potato than onion.
Later. Me. xx

Venting. Venting. VENTING!

OH GOD! People need to understand that I'm not always just a smiling face. No, there are parts of me that nobody understands well enough. Yeah, the first impression may be misleading..another happy, self-confident person, but behind that there are insecurities that I'm just beginning to realise. No, it's not some enlightening nirvana-obtaining crap, it's everything happening around me. I try so hard to just be..happy. But everytime I am, there's just something else that I lack that comes jumping back at me, taking it all away. Ofcourse I have my moments of absolute bliss, but why can't they be permanent? People moving away, self-motivation, people misunderstanding anything you say, inability to express yourself properly. It's all such a fucking mess. I wish everything would just stand still for a while so that when the next thing comes my way, I'm standing straight rather than just picking myself up. Or rather, I wish people would just take me as I am, incomparable, not point out everything wrong and just see the part of my glass that's full, and maybe just find..that when they look hard enough, it's not just full, it's full to the brim.

Fuck.

I'm going to start off by saying..no, I don't feel good. I feel horrible in fact. And I don't get what I did wrong enough to be treated unlike other people. Just because my supervisor wasn't as understanding as others why do I get screwed? And what is wrong with the school! I'm IN school and they don't even bother looking for me before calling up my dad. How senseless. It's not like I didn't finish it, I had it ready for them..all he ended up doing was causing havoc at home and making my dad, and me, feel like shit. Fucking bastard. I swear if I ever come across him in my life in a non-schooling atmosphere, I'm gna slit his wrists with the bluntest, most rusted blade I can find. I hate him. Haaaate him. Hate him.
So, I'm going to end off by saying..no, I don't feel good. I feel fucking horrible and ill-treated in fact.

Does it suck that I don't have a title?

Heh, that's a full-fledged oxymoron right there, cuz you know..it is a title, just that it says that there isn't a title, but it actually is a title even though it says that it isn't a title..and so on and so forth in a chain that goes on to infinity like the limit of a harmonic series. Fucking hell, math high. Random conversation time!

Blubby: I'm baaack! I had soup =]
Ankie: No. You're living in denial.
Blubby: Huh?
Ankie: In actuality, the soup had you for dinner.

That, my friends, is a clear example of what TOK does to your head. But this time, it wasn't TOK. It was boredom. Maybe that means TOK = boredom. Makes sense to me. Maybe that's why there's so much yawning during TOK sessions. I hate the fact that I've typed the T-word so many times so from now on, it's not "T**" it's the T-word. That's also pretty pointless cuz I'm pretty sure I'm never going to use the T-word again. Yuck. What a bad chain of thought.
I had sev puri, and noodles, and I'm stuffed. My eyes feel really heavy too, cuz of sitting on the computer for so long just doing EE, or maybe it's the lenses, who knows. My good deo's over. The blue nike one. Now there's the horribly strong smelling pink one left. Mosquitoes still suck and I'm thinking of way too many things to pen them all down right now, so I'm going to take my whirlwind of thoughts to a little corner and murder them with a spork.
Love, Me. And boy are you lucky to be getting my love. Yeah, bye.