Monday, March 31, 2008

The day before fool's paradise

Yeah, so what're my plans for the big day? Go to school for the 9th last time as a school girl in my LIFE. Whee! Talk about fun. A few people got together and made a year book for our entire batch and its reaally good :D. Me is happy cuz my page is the bomb <3.>that! Eh. Shut up. I was saying..math is a bitch and a half. I have no idea how I'm going to manage a damn seven. It's unfair the way they don't give us a second type II portfolio. Bitches. MEGABITCHES. Grr. I will kill them. Oza has a huge ass. It's ok though, Tarini still loves him.
I'm done here. School's still annoying and agonisingly irritating. There are the last few days left and I'm going to be sad that it's all over. Five years. All done. Teartearsniffsniff and all that. Here's to graduation :D. Byebye.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Right. So. I don't get the deal with parents. To think that with 17 years of practice I wouldn't have some knowledge of how to figure them out. They're so crabby and..and..icky. >_<
My phone was confiscated for a day. Just a day. What are they trying to do?! It's so confusing. They're full of mixed signals. "You just need to want it, then you'll get it." and then next second, "Oh, wanting isn't enough!" Now wtf am I supposed to make of that? Forget that even. Even if I let that go there's the entire issue of the pointlessness of screaming. Fear of those..eeeevil parents of mine is not going to make me do my work, I don't get why instead of putting in so much energy into screaming, why can't they channel all of it into helping. Help how you might say? Just be there. Make sure I'm doing my work. Don't just punish me when I don't. There's a difference between being a good parent and a hard working one. Unfortunately mine don't know the difference.
Urgh. Whatever. I'm sitting in school right now. In the middle of the LC and its cold. And doing math isn't that warming. I'm loaded with 2 hours worth of just homework. It's like she thinks we're machines. So I'll just say *sigh* again. This rant is going to end now cuz I'm poff. Pfffffft xP.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Oh yeah

I forgot,


even though I don't really give much of a shit about this festival :)

What I want

I want so much out of life. It's crazy how fast I can name so many things I want to do. But out of them, today, I can pick exactly what I want. It's not concrete, but I want to set up my dad's dreams with him. Everyday he'd come back home and tell me all about what he's done throughout the day, he'd treat me like an adult and share his ideas and give much more than just a shit about my opinions on them, sometimes even pull them out of me, unintentionally of course, all of which just make me relive his experiences, in a subtle kinda way. I want to do exactly what he does, but with more independence and with more control. What made me decide? It was simple. Sunderban. The rich and flourishing delta of West Bengal. The place where despite the abundant resources there's poverty - a lot of poverty. The place where the price of land speaks for itself - almost Rs 2.5 per square foot in comparison to Mumbai's Rs 6000+, but those are just facts, facts that point towards what I want to do. Facts that scream into my head saying if an area that has so much richness to offer has such poverty, the rest of India's suffering in the same way, probably worse. I want to travel around India and experience the pain of all the people in my country and help them, through my dad's dreams. I want to go back and touch the primitive state the people in this country live in. I want to share their hopes and understand their thoughts. I want to do so much it's annoying O_o. And so I'm listening to Living Darfur, by Mattafix, an amazing song, that's going to help me keep my current hyper feeling alive enough so that I actually get to what I want. *fingers crossed* I'm out. Byebye.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

This is going to sound cliched..

But I would die without music. It's my pill and solution to everything, along with the reason I feel alive. A bit much I suppose? Yeah, but it's true. I was feeling pretty low and stupid for no particular reason and the second I turned the volume up it was all gone. The sounds just crawl under my skin and spread serenity right through me, from head to toe. So yay to music and everything it does to me. Nothing will ever compare.
And speaking of comparisons, why does everything, and I mean everything have to be about comparison? If everyone would just take things the way they are and not try to over analyse them - just accept instead of constantly trying to rank how good something is, life would be much much better. But oh well, people will be people, the world's still going round right?
Hmm, so today was a bomb, I got up late and did nothing ^_^. I love holidays. Math is still swamping me over, I'm blinded by the overdose of it all. Eugh. *hurl*
I still LOVE Grey's Anatomy. Season 2 has twenty fucking seven episodes! Yay. *excitement*
So that's all for today. Alohaaa. *dances around in a grass skirt*

Monday, March 17, 2008

Hello, says the procrastinator.

So here I am, in the whole rigmarole of making excuses again. Which I said I won't do, but I am going to anyway - I was busy. With final submissions. And then having enough fun to make up for the torturous moments of the final submissions. Anywho, I'm here now so you may as well cherish the moments I'm spending here. Or words I'm typing here, whichever way you want to put it. Used the bus today after a long while, went to town and figured I had no other way of getting back home. I saved 190 Rs. And I'm not even maadu.
Blubface and I finally started to watch Grey's Anatomy and finished season one. I love the theme song - Nobody knows. It's stuck in my head right now.
Saw 27 Dresses too, it's nice, in a sick gay manner, yeah it's nice.
And tomorrow I shall see Juno. I hope I like it.
Did I mention that math has taken over this ongoing mid term break of mine? I have a timetable that rigorously covers the entire portion and I've somehow managed to follow it so far, let's see how lucky I continue to be henceforth.
I got a 6 in all my subjects, and that too without studying, except math. Which is unbelievable because I actually love math. That's proof #1 for how twisted the world is, and I assure you that list of proofs goes on to at least a billion.
I love writing poems. It's a nice way of handling my emotions. Someone commented on one of them and made me realise that I suck at emotions. I'm fucking horrible at them, and by them I mean my emotions, somehow I end up being really good with others' emotions. Eh, I confuse myself. And writing somehow helps in organising some of the messes in my head. But that's ok right? Yeah it is.
That's my ramble for today. I'll try to be regular. I need to be regular. Writing is good mind-organisation, yepyep ^_^. Byeo.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Erm..blehh #2?

It's a lazy Saturday afternoon and I'm home alone, but I have nooo idea when my parents are gna be back so let's see how this lazy Saturday ends up. Hmm, here's another song I love. Death Cab for Cutie. Weird name, I need to look up why it's called that.

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Uh huh, must get back to chemistry lab report now. I have been lost to the dark side. I want to go to goa again =[. Sigh. *poofs*

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


That goes for lack of originality, note: title. The world sucks. I have nothing against it, but it seems to have a bit too much against me. I am soooo demotivated. I really don't want to work towards French anymore, to think I actually liked her. Quite the hypocrite isn't she? Ah well, let's see how it goes tomorrow. I can't do nothing but sit and work it out right now. I cannot believe I'd ever say this, but I wish sarcasm didn't exist. It just makes things worse, especially from the mouths of certain venomous people. Egh. Graduation. Or the end of this week. Whatever man, I don't care, just get it done with.
So this is me. Running off after another short post, trying to bind everything that's falling apart together. Next time I write, you'll know how the story ended. Let's make it sound more dramatic shall we? It'll either be shards of shattered glass, or a strong held up combination of everything. Or both. Oh god. *stops thinking* Bye.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Hello there.

Yeah, long time. Again. Henceforth I'm not going to bother regardless of how long it's been since I've written here. I'm annoyed with myself more than anything, or anyone else, and I want it to go away. If only I wasn't such a procrastinator and escapist.
"You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains."
Lovely lines, those. Anywho, I have my french orals day after and I have preparation to do. I wish I could bitch about Rojoa, but I'd say the same thing. It's not his fault, it's just that he isn't dealing with things the right way. I dislike his attitude, but it's my fault I guess. Eh, and it sucks when you lose things. Including your sanity. And people's trust. Bah. Well, I have a teddy bear, a stupid breadman, a little teddy bear and tweety on my desk giving me company while I drown in paperwork. Oh hoot, bye.