Just another day.

Yep, except that my exams are closer, that I'm applying to Hong Kong, and that I'm going to fail! I fear being rejected really. I've tried to pretend to not care, but secretly (or not so secretly) inside, I know that if I'm rejected I would feel like a complete and total loser. My grades are horrible :(. Bah! Whatever. Anywho, it's for business anyway, and I'm more into psychology. But I could do both too. Ahhh, screw this. I'm gna apply to FLAME. They better want me cuz I secretly (yes, secretly again) love them! ^_^
Haha, I'm looking at *someone*'s pictures on facebook and it's hilarious how they're so ugly and everyones comments are about how they look amazing. Funny how so many things revolve around perception. In fact everything runs around perceptions. Omg. It's like every word that's uttered from my mouth comes back around to TOK. Daaamnit! >_<
I think mum's home. And I did two hours of grueling math. Enough to make my brain feel like a fried omlette, the spoilt one that got thrown in with the trash right next to the stinky, half eaten apple. Oh god I think I've spelt omlette wrong. If it's wrong then, erm, I owe my blog an apology. And if not, then my brain owes me an apology for confusing me. =/ Wtf am I on?!
God. Bye.

I was just telling someone..

..how the letters D and F are the hottest letters in the alphabet. And it's true. Without those two sound everything would sound so soft and feeble. They're like thunderous words that dramatise each word that they come in. DDDDD <3 FFFFF! <3.
If that didn't make sense, it's fine, I don't expect it to neither did I intend it to. By Friday, I plan on finishing my personal statement and my TOK essay (Final first draft) and finishing revising chemistry. Yep, it's a lot but I'm going to try and do it. Yuck. I'm not looking forward. Then again, Big Audacious Goals says someone I respect, though sometimes that someone baffles me. I don't understand the lack of communication between us, it's so apparent from the way each of our discussions end up. Maybe he should stop trying to be my friend, or maybe he should decide what role he plays in my life for sure. It's so annoying how when it comes to certain things it's almost like I have to pretend to like him. It kills me inside =/, but it's just how I feeeeel. Ok enough emotional rambling, there's been a lot of it recently >_<. Argh IB!
Tomorrow's sports day and so I get a day off :D. So tomorrow I can finish everything I need to. Hopefully.
Oh and I've stopped wearing lenses to school. Weird decision, but I just have. Also, I love onion pakodas, even though they taste a LOT more like potato than onion.
Later. Me. xx

Venting. Venting. VENTING!

OH GOD! People need to understand that I'm not always just a smiling face. No, there are parts of me that nobody understands well enough. Yeah, the first impression may be misleading..another happy, self-confident person, but behind that there are insecurities that I'm just beginning to realise. No, it's not some enlightening nirvana-obtaining crap, it's everything happening around me. I try so hard to just be..happy. But everytime I am, there's just something else that I lack that comes jumping back at me, taking it all away. Ofcourse I have my moments of absolute bliss, but why can't they be permanent? People moving away, self-motivation, people misunderstanding anything you say, inability to express yourself properly. It's all such a fucking mess. I wish everything would just stand still for a while so that when the next thing comes my way, I'm standing straight rather than just picking myself up. Or rather, I wish people would just take me as I am, incomparable, not point out everything wrong and just see the part of my glass that's full, and maybe just find..that when they look hard enough, it's not just full, it's full to the brim.

Fuck.

I'm going to start off by saying..no, I don't feel good. I feel horrible in fact. And I don't get what I did wrong enough to be treated unlike other people. Just because my supervisor wasn't as understanding as others why do I get screwed? And what is wrong with the school! I'm IN school and they don't even bother looking for me before calling up my dad. How senseless. It's not like I didn't finish it, I had it ready for them..all he ended up doing was causing havoc at home and making my dad, and me, feel like shit. Fucking bastard. I swear if I ever come across him in my life in a non-schooling atmosphere, I'm gna slit his wrists with the bluntest, most rusted blade I can find. I hate him. Haaaate him. Hate him.
So, I'm going to end off by saying..no, I don't feel good. I feel fucking horrible and ill-treated in fact.

Does it suck that I don't have a title?

Heh, that's a full-fledged oxymoron right there, cuz you know..it is a title, just that it says that there isn't a title, but it actually is a title even though it says that it isn't a title..and so on and so forth in a chain that goes on to infinity like the limit of a harmonic series. Fucking hell, math high. Random conversation time!

Blubby: I'm baaack! I had soup =]
Ankie: No. You're living in denial.
Blubby: Huh?
Ankie: In actuality, the soup had you for dinner.

That, my friends, is a clear example of what TOK does to your head. But this time, it wasn't TOK. It was boredom. Maybe that means TOK = boredom. Makes sense to me. Maybe that's why there's so much yawning during TOK sessions. I hate the fact that I've typed the T-word so many times so from now on, it's not "T**" it's the T-word. That's also pretty pointless cuz I'm pretty sure I'm never going to use the T-word again. Yuck. What a bad chain of thought.
I had sev puri, and noodles, and I'm stuffed. My eyes feel really heavy too, cuz of sitting on the computer for so long just doing EE, or maybe it's the lenses, who knows. My good deo's over. The blue nike one. Now there's the horribly strong smelling pink one left. Mosquitoes still suck and I'm thinking of way too many things to pen them all down right now, so I'm going to take my whirlwind of thoughts to a little corner and murder them with a spork.
Love, Me. And boy are you lucky to be getting my love. Yeah, bye.

You gotta love Cyanide&Happiness <3

Episode One
RandomGuy: Hey Obese Maurice! How was your flight from Cancun?
FatDude: Terrible! They charged me for two seats, man!
RandomGuy: Are you serious? That's so unfair!
FatDude: =[ If I'd known hookers counted as people I wouldn't have even brought her with me!

Episode Two
LittleKid: Let's play the rhyming game, daddy!
LittleKid: Daddy, daddy, his head is so fat, it'll be years 'til his son's is like that!
TheDad: Actually son it won't happen at all, because from my semen you didn't evolve.
LittleKid: ........
TheDad: -smug-
LittleKid exits (and probably kills himself).
TheDad: -still smug-

hahaha. Yeah, that kinda thing tickles my funny bone. Along with a lot of other nonsensically mean crap :D.

And so the countdown begins..

Ten days left. For THE exams of my life. Or at least the exams that everyone around me treats like they're the end of the world. Maybe they are though, for me too, ack who am I kidding, they're scaring me to death. And if I don't do well in these, I might end up in some college in the third worldest parts of a third world country with ghaati, "yo" people all around me, who love Eminem, Backstreet Boys and Nsync, make tattooes look horrible, put on flashy, red, in-your-face lipstick, talk about how their boyfriends didn't buy them the fake-gold chain with the BFF pendant on feb 14th, and wear bling like diamonds are the only thing in fashion =/. Brr, that's..nothing lesser than scary, the exams seem more inviting than that >_<. Fuck. Only two weeks. And maiden too. My parents are not going to be too appreciative about me going for that concert, but oh well, that's not a bargainable deal at any cost, especially since yours truly is getting a free ticket which completely turns on my sindhi side =].
Ok, changeover time, so last night I had a conversation with someone and it made me want to do something that I didn't think I had the capacity to do anymore, well I knew I could do it but nobody had pointed it out in a long long time. Sometimes when people around you are more open about their talents, you tend to get hidden behind the screens. Yes, I'm not mentioning what it was on purpose, though it seems pretty obvious now. And then comes along one person to make you feel way better. I'm pretty sure who I'm talking about has no idea about how much it meant to me, but well yay to them!
Fresh indian bread, or pao, is the most amazing thing to ever exist, said the hyperbole. No but it's true, it's yummmmmy. No preservatives whatsoever. And that's also why they harden so quick.
Anywho, I need to get back to TOK. If you don't know what that is consider yourself lucky, and if after reading this and you don't know it, you're going to look it up, well..come share my misery.
Adieu fair world, for the work of a million soldiers beckons me to my desk.

Updaaaaaaate

Guess who is finally DONE with a huge 4000 word essay. God, like finally. It's not absolutely complete yet, but there are only minor more changes to be made after feedback from my supervisor. Life seems sprinkled with chocolate coated gummy bears right now, especially cuz I ate pizza. <3
So, the essay was about the transcendentalist nature of Alice Walker's poetry. And it was fun to write, along with being a pain in the ass.
And this is going to be short cuz I'm fucking tired and I need my sleep.
Adios.
Ps. I won gold in discus throw. Jubi-fucking-lations.
BYE.

What fun :)

Yeah fucking right.
And if that doesn't look like a hurricane and a running stick figure, then just pretend already.
*dies*

I don't feel so good =/

And so I put this one song on repeat. Music helps fill the emptiness I feel sometimes. God bless Snow patrol.

"I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from here to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms."

And no, it's not the lyrics I love, it's the song. <3
I feel a little better already :).

Beware of sentimentality. It tends to sting.

Our rapacious teachers decided to be ultra mean to us today, so we stayed back in school to do CAS reflections. Pain in the ass yeah, but I got work done. So after it dad comes and gets me from Subway, the place we always go to after school, and we're on our way back home when he gets a huge hunger attack. No this post isn't called beware of sentimentality because my dad had a hunger attack, it's because while he stopped at the store to pick up some munchies, I waited in the car. And while waiting, a small girl, around half my height, with a dirty, muck-covered face and wearing raggety clothes, comes up to the car and starts tapping on the window. It's a usual sight in India, I know, but this time it was different, this time I felt different. The kid and the way she talked and the way she tried to coax me, it felt funny. Behind her, on the footpath I could see her mother and two other small infants clinging to the woman, but this child was consistent. I can almost still hear her cries of "Oh Didi, thoda doodh pilado, oh didii" still bouncing around in my head. Literally translating that would mean Oh big sister, please feed me some milk, but sounds pretty wrong in English =/. She topped it off by saying "Badi duayen milengi", meaning that I would get a lot of good wishes. Just from those few bare and simple words, I came to weirdly big conclusions.
That girl was smart. She was only around 8 or 9 years old and she still knew how to talk convincingly. She seemed to have so much potential, so much wasted potential. Maybe it was just me overreacting to that one incident, but I felt almost as if I had to do something. She definitely isn't the only one in India suffering in blasphemous poverty, it wasn't even her fault that she was born in an underprivileged household, so why can't we all somehow make a collective effort to make the future of our India, these children, no matter how poor, a bright one? Why must poverty make a child of that age beg for food, food that she has an equal right on as all of us do? Yep, sounds clichéd, but it's only so clichéd cuz it's true. India as a whole is still in a sorry state. There is much to be done, and each one of us makes a difference. I know I will.

Be my little rock and roll queen.

That song is so addictive. British rock is so distinctive. I like <3. Yeah. Anyway, I saw this movie called Wicked, and it wasn't that stupid musical Wicked with the horrible OST. Weird movie, it bordered on incest and was about murder. I liked it. It has Julia Stiles and she's done a pretty good job. Oh and I downloaded the soundtrack, mainly gothic rock, and discovered this band called Jack off Jill. Haha, funny name, but good songs yeah, especially Rabitteen.
Nothing special happened today - surprise, surprise. I have to give in a huge 4000 word essay and it's so fucking horrible that everytime I even try and sit to do it..well, I don't.
Fight club and Forrest Gump are my two favourite movies <3. So is The Notebook. They have amazing quotes too ^_^. Weird how this post is so movie oriented. Goes to show how there's just nothing happening in my oh-so-exciting life. Ok, adios now. The essay beckons, along with my want to sleep.

So this was going to go up on my other blog..

But that would just take the feel of what I write otherwise away, so the perfect solution's so post it here. Why post it at all? Cuz I didn't want to delete it :(.

It's not you, it could never be.
It was me.
You've heard this more often,
A lot, I guess.
Everyone says it but fuck this poem.
-TURNS UP THE BASS-
-HEADBANGS THE FUCK OUTTA HERE-

:) Yeah. I suck. But I LOVE apple juice and friends. Especially together. Ooh and since we're making things so good, you could throw in some popcorn too.

Ok. Bye.

I could totally beat that with a baseball bat.

Heh, funny song that. Sooo, life goes round and round in repetitive circles right? But what if it was in squares? Haha the faster you'd go, the more the chances of banging against a side. In fact, what if life was a square house with windows. You could trip and fall right out of the window...and meet a squished death. And if heaven existed, you could even turn up there looking like a pancake, a blood pancake that is. That has no relevance to anything at all. Unless you're planning someone's murder. I swear I'm not. Really!
Today I was gifted this turquoise shirt. It's nice, but I'm going to flick mum's white one. Why does she get white? She shouldn't get white. I should get white. It'll look better on me anyway.
Ooh, irrelevant conversation time.
Person: I knew you were going to say that!
Me: Ooh, you're stupid AND psychic ^_^
Person: That combination gets all the chicks.
Me: Haha. Read my mind. You'll know the next reality I'm going to point out to you.
Person: Shoot.
Me: Can't read it?
Person: I sure can.
Me: What does it say?
Person: ""You don't get any, jackass!"
Me: =] we're done for today folks. That's lesson #1 in making someone insult themselves ^_^
I'm bored. And my parents are out for the night. They've gone down south and are staying in Taj. Without me. Not that I mind. It's just that I have to stay at home and work.
I hate mosquitoes. Right so my ADD is in fast drive today. But I really hate mosquitoes. They buzz around aimlessly and suck blood out of me without my permission, not that I would give it anyway.
Dawson's creek time! I'm going to go waste my time doing exactly what I'm not supposed to be doing.
Byebye.

It's Sunday the 13th. The holiest day of them all.

So, today is someone special's birthday. A few days ago, I was officially married (yep, facebook now authorises marriages) to someone who I've known practically all my life. Beautiful story isn't it? ^_^ Here come the controversial complications - my husband is a she. A really hot one I might add. May her hotness prevail till the end of time, though it's really not going to happen cuz soon you'll be sagging just like the rest of our generation.
Ah well, let's be nice for today :D. I love you! And I will always be there for you. Oooh, so sentimental. I'm going to make this simpler for myself and break it down in the form of a list of things I like about you, we'll leave the things I don't like for later, and out of public eyes too.

1. I love the way you're always accepting of anything and everything I say.
2. I love you being open to me about everything and expecting the same from me.
3. I love how good you are in bed. (I had to say that, you know I had to :P.)
4. I love laughing at you. Haha, and the fact that even after ALL these years you still haven't gotten over that one guy who's pretty butt ugly and you just don't seem to get it.
5. I love myself. Wait, this list was about you right? Oh yeah.
6. I love your taste. Well, I like it. You don't like ultra flashy ghaati clothing and accessories like most of the frightening delhi aunties do. You know? The one's with the glaring red lipstick and flashy gold everywhere.
7. I love the way I can point out the fact that you say "much" so much.
8. I love you asking me for the solutions to your problems.
9. I love saying crap. In general actually, but to you too :D.
10. I love you. For you. As you.

:). I hope that suffices for this year. And at the end of this self-proclaimedamazing post, I'm going to have to ask you to exempt me from sending you something in the post - please? This girl is pressurized with a lot of other crap to do. Yay. So, Happy Birthday <3.

Pasta treat feels nice, especially when its cold.

And that above title leads me to the concept of relativity. No, nothing as daringly complicated as something that Einstein would come up with, just that I would hate eating pasta treat during a hot summer day. Even the thought of it makes me want to puke. Mind you, I love pasta treat, but something hot and fuzzy going down my guts when the temperature's horribly high could just take my huuuge, always-existent appetite away. So why would I write a blog on this? For the same reason that society has norms, that is, no reason whatsoever.
I just finished the entire bowl of my yummy, ultra fattening treat and I love it even more today cuz it's the only thing that I can pass through my mouth that won't make my teeth feel like they're being pulled apart by the force of a thousand mountains. Ow. That confession just made them hurt a tad bit more. To think it could get worse. Bummer.
So, that's all folks.
Oh wait. Did I mention that people look horrible with oily hair? Especially on a lazy sunday when they get up from a long sleep to find that the oil has permanently fixated their hair into the funniest version of a mohawk ever known to man.
Hmm so yeah, I'll share with you my lesson learnt for today - don't ever go to sleep with your hair oiled, or even better, don't use oil despite what your hair specialist, or mum, says.
This rant is now over.

Poke #2. It's late. And there's no more coffee.

So here I am, once again, in the span of a few hours, but it still qualifies as the next day so you CANNOT call me obsessive. Or so I'd like to believe.
The reason I'm here, is to finally confess something that I've done a lot openly, but just penning it down makes it more official ^_^.
I love..Calvin. Yep, from his pretentious superficiality of knowing almost everything to his excessive use of eloquent verbose. That little chipmunk is the cutest creature on earth. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you honestly do not deserve to read this. The cross sign above on the right corner of your screen is just waiting to be clicked, do it, before I explode, which I actually won't cuz..I won't even know if you're here reading this, which if you do, you should comment so that I do know that you're here. Life has circles. Yes :].
So getting back to the initial point, I want a little brother like Calvin. So I can squeeze him and throw him around and make him clean my room, and hear his crazy mutterings and point and laugh at his adorableness. Overdose much? Yeah. Apologies. He's just..the most lovable, littlest monster I know. And he's mine. All mine!
And that's all. I should drink coffee and stop sounding so strange. Hmm.
Byebye.

Poke. It's pretty powerful, really!

Another day of complete and total idleness. The IB does that to you - piles you with such a colossal mass of work that at the end of it, you collapse and throw it all away for later, a later which pounces back at you with much more force than it ever already was.
So I was sitting at home today right, not like that wasn't clear enough already, and my teeth start to hurt. I just got my lower braces fixed on. Pretty much synonymous to a nightmare. I couldn't even eat the darn chicken roll that mum got for me =[. What's the bet she had evil ulterior motives. Parents like doing that, torture I mean, of any kind at that. I'm like their not-so-little punching bag ^_^. Cute huh? As cute as a bruised and toothless beaten up kid could look anyway.
Hmm, teeth - check, chicken roll - check, loads of crappy assignments - check. Yep that about covers my entire uneventful day. Besides rigorous math. God I need a life. I need to get off this thing. That goes for the first post of random blabberings on this blog.
See you in a bit. Tomorrow? Maybe today, if I get too bored and decide to blabber some more :).
Until then.
Loves,
Me.